“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!”
For the past few days, I have seen that smile in your face.
You seem to be alright, bright and exactly happy as I ought to be. You seem to be leading the right track as you have planned.
And you seem to be more carefree. Every inch of me is delighted and as well as thankful to God
that He works His magic for you to be valiant as you are now.
Life may have hit me. I chose to mourn and long for your
absence. For me, it is the right thing to do as of the moment. I don’t care
what people would think. All I care is my aching heart and my grieving soul. A
piece of me has lost. I’m losing the battle. But all I think is to give my
heart and soul a space… an air to breathe because it is the right thing to do,
right?
As the days goes by, I realized that I missed you more.
I realized that letting you go is a regret of mine that I shouldn’t
have pushed for.
I realized that I couldn’t imagine you loving someone
else…
But, on the other hand, I also realized that the best people in our life need not to be held closer because maybe they don’t feel the same
way.
After some thought, this is the last time I’ll tell myself…
Baby, I am now
finally detaching myself from you.
The thought may already ached me, burned me down and left me
drained with a pale of tears... Nevertheless, it’s what you wanted, right?
Despite the fact that I’m going to remember everything. All
of it, for a long time…
The first time we both met eyes, and the first time you
touched me. The first time you called me beautiful, and the first time you said
“I love you.” I know deep down my bones that it’s going to hurt me like hell,
but I can’t just let it defeat me. I’ll show you that I can breathe without
you, although I swore to you that I couldn’t.
So… here’s the thing.
I’m just going to start lying to myself.
I’ll stop saying that I miss you every second of the day that I don’t spend with you even though ‘I miss yous’ and your name have been like my daily prayer.
I’m going to stop wanting to tell you about my day and stop
waiting for you to tell me about yours.
I’ll pretend that your phone is broken so I’ll stop checking my phone for a ping of a message or a call from you.
I’ll delete our old conversations and pretend that I haven’t
memorized ever single word you said to me
I’ll pretend that you blocked me at social media so that I’ll
stop checking all of your profiles
I’ll stop thinking about you every time I saw posts
regarding you or us before
I’m going to say that I don’t dream of you every night, that
you’re not my last thought at night before I sleep and you’re not my first
thought in the morning when I wake up.
I’ll start saying I
don’t love you anymore, and maybe my heart will finally believe it.
I have been
depriving myself of truly being able to move on. I guess back then, I was still
hopeful. Wishfully thinking that we would somehow manage to work things out and
be with each other again. But as I keep on waiting, reality hits me hard and my
frail hope couldn’t help me to keep going. I was delusional.
Yet, despite of
this all, I have seen my worth. And for that, I want to thank you. Thank you
for breaking my heart over and over again. As for each time you take out a
piece of what’s left of us, you’re giving me a space to rebuild myself.
Thank you for
not loving me wholeheartedly, this is enough reason for me to know that I am
not the one at the losing end. I won’t be eaten up by regret thinking that I
lost someone who actually saw me as his world, because you never did. You never
will.
So love, I am now closing this chapter of my
life.
It may have took
me longer to realize this and a little late to move on, but one of these days I
would stop thinking about you. I'll stop talking or texting you. I won't disturb you anymore and I promise that you won't feel my presence. I'll try to hide even we're inches apart. I know this is what you want, so I'll let it be. I caused you so much pain. One of these days you will be a distant memory
and I won’t even recall the sound of your voice or the touch of your face.
(I'll skip love at 22. This I promise to myself. But if I break this, I'll treat all of you a case of beer! No one can love us better but our own self. Cheers!)
xoxo,
Lux ♥
No comments:
Post a Comment